I’m super-addicted to reality TV, especially when it involves food.
I’m pretty sure I’ve already ranted and raved about how mad I get at myself for changing my schedule around to watch “Top Chef”.
And, though I don’t think it’s nearly as polished as “Top Chef”, on the right day, I can really get into “The Next Food Network Star”.
Over the holiday, I watched a marathon of “Star” and was trying to remember what happened to Dan and Steve…they were my favorite. Winners, first season.
With the best brownie recipe EVER.
When my husband requested brownies this morning, I knew he was getting Dan and Steve’s brownies.
As for me, I’ve pretty much decided that it’s time to give up my dreams of being a Food Network Host.
Outside of the fact that my ingredient repertoire is pretty limited, there’s a multitude of other problems:
1. I would barf on television if Bobby Flay ate my dish while I watched. Airline barf bags would never be big enough. I’d need a pickle bucket.
2. I have the ugliest hair ever. No one on this show has bad hair. No one.
3. I am too messy. I would show up at judging just like at church: with chocolate on my jeans, flour on my shirt, and icing in my hair.
4. My funny would translate as awkward. There would be lots of shots of a Giada deLaurentis making her Painful Face while I was chopping onions…
Speaking of which, that brings us to:
5. My dad would never watch, especially if the recipe required me to use a knife. He can’t stand to be the passenger in a car that I’m driving, or to watch me cut potatoes.
Regardless of the myriad of problems with me cooking on television, I still sometimes dream about it.
Sometimes, when I’m alone in the bakery, I pretend that I’m on the Food Network and talk my way through a recipe. My Tupperware bowls are the camera, my refrigerator is the director.
Yeah, I know…pretty weird. Hey, I’m an only child and my imagination is broader than most.
So this morning, when my husband and the boys left for Sunday School, I went out to the bakery and Food Networked my way through a recipe for Texas Fudge Brownies.
I even put makeup on.
1 cup sugar, 2 eggs, 1 stick margarine, 1/3 cup chocolate chips, 1/2 cup flour, 1 tsp vanilla, 1 pinch salt.
What, no leavening? Yup. Fudge brownies…not cake brownies.
Beat the eggs and salt, add the sugar….
I’m using my hand mixer today, so I can talk to the refrigerator and not the wall…
Beat until thick and light, add vanilla…
Melt margarine with chocolate chips…
And that looks pretty much unappetizing, doesn’t it?
Pour into the egg mixture while the mixer is running, then add the flour and mix until combined.
Pour into a greased baking sheet (I used 8″ square) and bake at 350 for 20 minutes.
Meanwhile…at the Hall of Justice…
Heat 1/2 stick butter, 1/4 cup milk and 2 tbsp cocoa…bring to a boil
Add 2 cups powdered sugar…stir to a nice glaze…
Is this reminding you of a Texas Sheet Cake? Good, because it should.
Now take the brownie pan out of the oven, and pour the glaze over the hot brownies…
My brownies cracked in the middle because I over-beat them. Don’t you be doing that. Just mix in the flour until combined.
Now let it sit.
I went to church…and came back and cut them to look like this:
I love it when the frosting cracks….
Aren’t these gorgeous? My husband is standing behind me in this picture, yelling at me to hurry up…
So he can eat this one:
so you make some. And pretend your refrigerator is the director shouting, “Action!” and your calendar is the teleprompter…
Or maybe not.
Texas Fudge Brownies
Adapted from Dan Smith and Steve McDonagh’s Truffle Brownies
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
pinch salt
1/3 cup chocolate chips
1 stick margarine
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup flour
Preheat oven to 350
Beat the eggs and salt until frothy. Add the sugar and mix until thick and light, add vanilla and mix thoroughly. Melt the margarine with the chocolate chips, add to the egg mixture while the mixer is running. Add the flour and mix until just combined. Pour into greased 8″ baking pan and bake for 15-20 minutes.
For the Glaze:
1/2 stick butter (1/4 cup)
1/4 cup milk
2 tbsp cocoa
2 cups powdered sugar
Heat butter, milk and cocoa to a boil, stirring constantly. Whisk in the powdered sugar, stir until smooth. Pour over hot brownies, allow to cool completely.
I’m a super-size cutter…but these babies only need to be like, 1 bite size. Super rich, super chocolate-y, super yummy.
And saying things are “super (insert adjective here)” or a lot of “totally”s and “like”s probably doesn’t do too much to get me a show on TV either.
My Eighties eloquence will get me no where, my friend. NO where.
Those are GORGEOUS brownies. Some of us are not meant to be in front of the camera. I used to teach a first year college course, and would make a wisecrack, thinking myself to be hilarious…and you could hear crickets chirping in the background. Nuthin’, those kids gave me nuthin’!
but with brownies like this, you are a star unto yourself!
Thank you! I taught, too…I always felt sorry for my students because they didn’t get my elevated intellectual humor…yeah, whatever!
These are a lot like the brownie recipe that I use regularly. I just love fudgy brownies and have a pretty stong dislike for cakey ones. If I wanted cake I would eat cake. Thanks for posting!
Thank you, I agree! I’m super-picky about my brownies…cake is cake and brownies are brownies!
LOL You’re hilarious! I love this post!
The brownies are just as amazing as the author!
Thank you, you are so sweet!
You are TOO funny! Love this! And your husband picked a good one…brownie and wife!
Aww thanks! We’re even…I cook and make him laugh, he cleans up after me!
Too cute! My husband always tells me to pretend I’m on a tv show when I’m cooking just to make fun of everything I do. I need to practice in solitude too apparently
Thank you! LOL My husband doesn’t know I do my TV pretend – time…I would never hear the end of it!
these are gorgeous your right~
★•.¸¸.•*¨*❤•.¸¸.•*¨*☆•.¸¸.•*¨*❤
HAPPY NEW 2011 YEAR!!!
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Thank you so much! Happy New Year to you!
Aw you’re our baking star! Those are some awesome looking fudgy brownies. I love when they want the exact same cookie/brownie/whatever you’re trying to photograph. Shows they have good taste! Good luck with the TV dreamin’. I gave up on mine after watching one season of Food Network Star. But at least you’ve got your little bakery to be superstar in.
Aww thanks! I could never do those challenges…unless I could make cake and pie on every one!
Amy these look amazing. So rich and gooey looking.
Keep dreaming big dreams:)
Thank you so much! Maybe someday I’ll get the nerve to film myself. Although I wouldn’t hold my breath!
Too funny.. I wish I could be on Food Network as well.. those shows are so addicting! I’m big into Chopped too- I don’t know how they do it! I really want to try these brownies.. and I’m going to as soon as I get home!
Thanks! OMG I love Chopped, too! I wonder if “sweats a lot” is a contestant requirement? The brownies are yummy, prepare for chocolate coma!
Haha you are too funny! Your brownies look absolutely amazing! Thanks for sharing and Happy New Year!
Thank you! These are sure to induce chocolate coma!
These look so rich! And I have to say that all your reasons for being the next food netowrk star not are the reason that I would probably love your show
lol thank you! They are super rich – will put you in a chocolate coma!
I NEED TO EAT THIS NOW! GIVE IT!
lol Come on over, there’s still some left!
Awesome post….still laughing over the icing in the hair.
The brownies look delicious…who could resist with the lovely cracked frosting…and no I don’t know why that makes them more appealing to me (appealing in the I must have it now gimmie sense!) but it does.
lol Thanks! You would really laugh if you saw me at church that day – My husband was like, “what’s that in your hair…oh, yeah. Icing.” Like he sees it every day. The church ladies probably think I don’t know how to bathe.
Mmm…I love fudgy brownies and the cracked tops too! I made Texas sheet cake once before and was a fan – this looks just as yummy
Thanks! This is an easy recipe and always a favorite!